Red carpets have not been the same since Joan Rivers shuffled of this mortal coil. She was, it’s fair to say, the queen of the carpet quip. Anyone else snub the live footage of Met Galas past just to watch Fashion Police and Joan’s witty one liners?

This year I’ve decided to leave it up to Joan and her most iconic Fashion Police jokes to review some of the lewwwks from last night’s Met Gala. FYI, the theme was  Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination. I can just imagine what Jewish Joan would think of that!

Here goes…

Katy Perry in Versace

 “She was so committed to that bird theme that halfway through, she left the ceremony to go crap on somebody’s windshield.”

 

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Ralph Lauren

“This girl is hotter than a gift from Winona Ryder!”

 

Nicki Minaj in Oscar de la Renta

“Ugh! This red dress looks like a blood clot. Good to wear on heavy flow days.”

 

Sarah Paulson in Prada

“If I had to say something negative, well, she looked like Liberace’s lint roller.”

 

Shailene Woodley in Ralph Lauren

“If this dress were a baby, it would have been wrapped in a newspaper and abandoned in a mall bathroom.”

 

ZSA in Versace

“That dress has more pink than Tom Cruise saw in all three marriages.”

 

Kerry Washington in Ralph Lauren

“She looks like a golden goddess, and I don’t mean what Kanye does to Kim Kardashian in the shower.”

 

Mindy Kaling in Vassilis Zoulias

“This dress is like a naked Elton John. Folds of pasty white in front, with a big gaping hole in the back.”

 

Cardi B in Moschino

“That neckline is plunging faster than Aretha Franklin’s head into a bucket of fried chicken.”

 

Lena Dunham in… something!

“She looks like a loofah that’s been passed around a homeless shelter … I called and described this dress to Ray Charles. ‘Joan,’ he said. ‘I’m glad I’m blind.’”

 

Cara Delevingne in Christian Dior Couture

“The nice thing about this hat is that it covers up the head wound that made her think it was a good idea to wear it in the first place.” 

 

Amal Clooney in Richard Quinn

“When I first saw this I thought, is Project Runway doing an all-blind season?”

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