I've been blogging almost everyday for the last two years, and as much as I absolutely LOVE it, I thought it might be time to have someone write something for me. And in an attempt to reach out to all my readers, and hopefully some new ones, I have acted on my instinct and now have a wonderful new monthly column written by my friend, my straight male friend, who has recently become a first time father and is also running his own business.
How did i get here? 10 years ago i was starting in the music business. Fresh out of Uni, stylish, into fashion, clubs, girls! Fast forward to now.....10 years older; a husband, a father, a business owner!
Becoming a father for the first time is a scary thing. Having worked in this industry for so long mixing boardroom meetings, concerts, travelling and many an after party it was always going to be a total shock swapping this for sleep deprivation, nappies, whispering in the house and plenty of changes. You can never be sure when it’s right to make the transition and I could never have predicted how much I would change deep inside.
For the nine months of pregnancy, I had a mixture of emotions that included anxiety, worry, excitement, happiness, fear and indifference, just to name a few. Those fears were magnified once my wife, Sophie, gave birth to a very healthy and gorgeous girl Ava. I’m sure I wasn’t the first man to engage in this cocktail of feelings but having been through it and come out the other side, strong, focused and happier than ever, I would definitely say there are a few tips to help other survive the maiden year.
Roll with it! You can forever claim to be young at heart, cool, and independent, even chauvinistic. The reality is you’re a dad, chained to the fact some little someone is dependent on your every move. You might look at your baby one minute and decide that you want to just leave and never come back. But then you'll look at it the next minute and never want to leave the baby's side. Learning to accept these thoughts and feelings rather than feel guilty about them will help you survive. You might even enjoy yourself.
Expect changes in relationships! Imagine going from independent, punctual, anally clean and adventurous to housebound, messy and always late! There will be arguments, there will be strain on your relationships with both the wife, the family even your friends! Suck it up and be a man! Whilst you may feel neglected, so what!
Hang with other dads Gone are the days where you talk about beer, women and sports. This doesn't mean that you need to abandon your single or childless friends. But they probably won't want to hear about your baby's first words or the first time it crawled. But other new fathers know what it's like to be shouted at, poo’d on and the need to escape. I have entered into a few blossoming ‘bromances’ that keep me going. It’s good to have a shoulder to moan on!
Get your hands dirty Some fathers think once the birthing process is over, their job is done. But nothing could be further from the truth. Instead of coming home and putting your feet up and waiting for dinner, stay involved with the household chores. Cook some meals, do some c leaning and make the bed as often as you can to give mum a break. I have way too many friends who don’t do enough. It took a team to make the baby; it will take a team to raise one!
Enjoy every second Once you’ve figured out how to put on a nappy, sterilise bottles, build stuff, you will start to enjoy. Savour the special moments and memories because they won't last forever. Take photos, lots and lots of photos. My family and I are like Japanese tourists. We see something; we take a photo, a film, a memory. You will only regret not doing this.
So that’s my advice for new dads. It is a tough, long, expensive road ahead but it’s worth it. I’m not an expert, far from it. To be honest my daughter has the best mum in the world, I just provided the sperm. I know that every day I wake like its Christmas, rushing into Ava’s room like a child searching for Santa’s gifts. I know that every night I rush home for work to have one final kiss goodnight.
Do I miss being young and independent, going to clubs with a bottle of Grey Goose and a table in the middle of the room? NO! Give me 8ml of formula and Handy Manny on repeat any day of the week!