Hey,
Well, we eventually left South East Asia behind. Phi Phi was lovely, my personal favourite of the islands, probably because it was less back-packery and more quiet and untouched. Thailand as a whole was a great experience, even if I struggled for the first week or so, but I did find the other islands a tad too western and a bit ordinary (I’m not talking Stanmore high street ordinary, just not to the expectations I had built up in my mind). From Phi Phi we moved onto Phuket. We only really went there to meet up with a couple of people we had met previously - one gay guy and 3 girls (the story of my life, in fact a good name for my Autobiography!!)
The boat over was interesting, as always with us! We went straight to the top of the boat because it seemed like good weather... it turned out not to be! We were quite happily sat with our feet hanging over the edge when from nowhere came what I can only describe as a mini-monsoon! I was alright, after all I was the 'anchor' in tug-of-war at QE for two years running (not out of choice I may add, more coz all 21 stone of me was plonked there!!), but poor Lee was flung every which way, almost like putting a paper airplane in front of a strong fan! However, we both thought the safest option to get out of the remake of The Poseidon Adventure was to crawl on our bums over to the stairs and sort of just throw ourselves down the stair-well to save our arses. The rest of the journey was inevitably a bumpy one, sat with stinking old Thai people as per usual on these boats!
Phuket was good. We didn’t really leave the hotel. Only to get non-scratch toilet paper and bottled water to wash our teeth as the water from the tap was a mysterious wee-looking colour. We got drunk, had a pool party with the friends we met and even stumbled across a baby elephant on the street corner - that’s normal apparently in those parts! We went to the main strip called Patong which is kind of similar I suppose to Pat Pong in Bangkok - i.e. the ratio of lady boys to real women was about 10:1. A lot of the lady boys were prostitutes and obviously tried it on with us, little did they know that me and lee were armed with a small penknife ready to perform the operation of a life time for them if they came within a foot's radius of us! We had fun at the few gay bars in Patong, although all the male 'escorts' who work there and do a fabulous job at selling drinks (and themselves) are so pushy I wanted to line them all up and either shoot them one by one or attack them with make-up remover ( i don’t know which they would prefer, I’m sure they would want to look their best when being identified!) We also sampled a cabaret show(more lady boys)/go go boys show in Patong which was interesting. One of the fabulous "ladies" had a thing for lee, she kept winking at him, then we saw her outside and one of her delightful friends came up to us and said from nowhere 'she has very large cock' - lovely, we thought!! Wish her well! Even though she had a 'large cock', she most definitely made up for it with her naturally bum length silky hair! We soon left Phuket, and our friends, to head for Singapore.
Being in Singapore was just like being in New York, just with a load of Chinese people. We stayed in a decent hotel, that was until the dirty old receptionist asked Lee, and I quote "Are you a gay? Coz I’m a gay!". He then proceeded to tickle lee and comment on his black-mans boxer shorts hanging out his trousers while looking at his msn conversation. Then Lee was innocently getting some change from him and about to go to the toilet when the dirty receptionist produced a little hand-written note saying "meet me in the toilet in 10 minutes". Shocked and disturbed by this, Lee came back to me for some advise, so I said "well go on then, beggars cant be choosers!" I was actually a bit put out that he didn’t go for me, just coz I cant squeeze my slightly bigger frame into one of those camp vests! We did use this against him though at the end of our stay, and we ended up getting a discount and he lost his job, so all's well that ends well!
The first night in Singapore we went for Sushi, I was craving it! Now, I’m not sure if anyone’s been to one of those places with the conveyor belt thingy's, but all I know is that Lee had to drag me out by my hair kicking and screaming... IF IT KEEPS ON COMING ROUND, I'M GONNA KEEP ON EATING IT!!!! Stupid bloody inventions! They earned a fortune out of me that night! We didn’t go back there, but we did find a little bar which was straight may I add. (the gay places weren’t much cop in Singapore). Now we did return to this bar 3 or 4 times while in Singapore, only to discover from our second trip that it was in fact a prostitute bar - and we just thought all those little Philippino women were just jolly friendly! We had a lot of fun though once the straight/gay barrier was established, and in fact we got free drinks coz we livened it up so much (pure Paris and Nicole material!). We even got them dancing on the bar. Even though we had fun, it did make me think that these poor women are shipped over from the Philippines mostly on false pretences to work in the sex industry. They were all crying out in their own way for the freedom they wanted and deserved, sad really!
We went to the shops; Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Prada, you know, the usual. Just lucky I remembered the company credit card! Went to the Night Safari which was really good to see and really different, different in contrast to a night at Heaven anyway, although I saw probably the same number of animals at the safari! Singapore was really good to see in general, although I’m not sure I would rush back, I do prefer New York as a city.So we flew to Cairns from Singapore. We are, I think, the furthest away from home now! Scary. We couldn’t get into the famous Giligans, so we settled for the next best (we thought anyway!) at the Cairns International Hostel. So we went up to our room, if you can call it that, and nearly died! It was literally just a bed with VERY mysterious stains on it - obviously the travellers before us had a VERY good night!! It boasted shared bathroom, toilet and kitchen, words we are very un fond of hearing. We went to look at the showers which really did scream one thing to me - VERUCA'S!! It was loud, dirty and quite frankly should of been called 'the Cairns International Prison Posing as a Hostel'. I went downstairs and soon plucked a lie out the air to feed to the receptionist (another great quality I have of my mothers) and said I suffered from claustrophobia, she soon refunded our money and we checked in somewhere else, somewhere less Alcatraz-like and more to our standards (that is now merely a working clean shower!) We've been here 2 nights already and to be honest, we aren't all that fussed on Cairns. We went out the first night to this straight place which did kind of remind us of a night in Watford with boozed up straight people everywhere! Then we decided to hunt out the gays in town, which isn’t hard, seeing as there is only one gay bar. We quickly made friends with the 3 token queers of the town and going out with them again tonight.
Right, I best go, the shutters are going down at this place!
Take care and keep me updated with what’s happening that side of the world.
Much Love, Si xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey!
Welcome to The Very Simon G. My blog has been going for nearly a decade, but there ain’t getting away from me just yet! Come in for fashion, fun and everything in between. Enjoy!